I was stumbling in the darkness
Couldn’t see my hand in front of me
I was sending up an SOS
When all was lost, You came running
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
You sent the shadows scattering
When through the clouds, a piercing light
And then I saw You
On November 6, 2016 I was water baptised.
It was a really momentous day for me because I knew that it was the day I made a serious committment to pursue a relationship with Christ. I told myself that from then on I was a changed person and I would be a radical Christian.
But I’m ashamed to say that I went back into my routine. In fact, I feel like I have been growing further away from God. I feel like I’ve been relying so much on my friends rather than God when I face problems at school. I’ve made my friends my crutch instead of leaning on God.
Last Friday, my campus ministry had an event called Shine. And the preacher said something that got me thinking: How you behave reflects what you believe. Today’s sermon at church also got me thinking. The preacher talked about having wholehearted obedience to God by becoming singularly obsessed with Jesus. And I asked myself – am I obsessed with Jesus? Really, is the way I’m living my life reflecting Jesus?
I remember that after my water baptism, one of my leaders prayed for me and spoke a word over me – influencer. It sounds exciting and WOW does that mean that I’m going to do great things?! But I’ve been having the wrong perspective. It’s not about ME doing great things and impressing a bunch of people. It’s about being an influencer for GOD and pouring out my passion and inspiration from my OBSESSION WITH JESUS. I felt so much joy and peace when I finally came to that realisation.
And so now, I’ve become more intent on SHINING FOR JESUS because because he SHINES ON ME all the time. Here is an excerpt from my water baptism testimony that talks about how Jesus shined His light on me in my darkest moments:
“I was born into a Christian family, and raised in a safe and loving Christian environment.
During the start of my teenage years, I started developing insecurities. I craved attention. I wanted to be popular, loved by everyone and beautiful. I wanted to have the perfect boyfriend. Looking at the couples all around me and on social media, I felt like I was missing something special.
I even changed myself at one point in time in order to fit into the ‘cool’ crowd. I tried to act differently, talk differently and generally, be more rebellious. I wasn’t being myself. I started swearing and gossiping a lot.
Then I had one of the lowest points of my life. Five months ago – June, I was getting ready to graduate high school. Normally graduation is the time when you think back to all your happy high school memories right? But for me, I felt like I was losing my friends. I felt left out and not ‘cool enough’ anymore. I wanted to go to prom with someone but all my friends already had dates, and I was rejected, twice, by the two guys I asked. I felt unloved and unwanted. I hated my school and my ‘friends’ and I just wanted to get out.
Then one day, my mom suggested that I try going to the campus ministry here at church. I still remember the message preached that day about becoming entangled with God. When the altar call was given, I went up, with all my hurt, disappointments and insecurities. And then one of the leaders came up to me and just held me in her arms as I cried. And then she shared with me three words that I believe God was trying to tell me all along: You are loved. You are loved. You are loved. As she kept repeating that, I felt a great peace and warmth just fill my broken heart.
Since that day, I have always found comfort in knowing that there is a God who loves me so much, so abundantly, so beautifully. Despite all my flaws and how messy my life is, He is my constant, ever faithful.
And time after time, He has shown me what true love is. It’s not materialistic or a heart-stopping fantasy romance. It’s when Jesus chose to suffer and die for my sins, rising on the third day, just so that I can be with Him in Heaven. It’s when God takes my hand and pulls me out from the darkness into His light. It’s when He breaks my chains and reassures me that it doesn’t matter how I look, what my status is or how good my grades are – whatever it is, He loves me for who I am.
I still go through periods of insecurity. There are times when I still mess up. But now, I know, that whatever happens, I will always have God’s love with me.”
I also shared this verse:
“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.”
And so dear readers, I hope that you have been encouraged by my testimony because God can work in ALL of our lives. And I pray that you will share your own testimony of how Jesus shined on you to SHINE FOR JESUS! 🙂
May the Shalom of the Lord be with you.
Shine, shine, shine like the sun
You’re waking us to life
You’ve only begun
Every fear, every doubt disappears
When You shine on us
We wanna see You
Shine, shine, shine like the stars
You are the first love to open my heart
Every hope, every dream comes alive
When You shine on us
When You shine on us